The Hangover
by YuuMustang
Summary: Roy Mustang woke up finding himself in an unknown place. Wait. Why the hell there was a lion sleeping in the toilet? And how did he end up in this kind of twisted situation? A story about a man on his journey to find himself again after a messy night.


My friend told me about a movie called "the hangover" that was airing at our local cinemas. I haven't watched the movie yet, but as what she told me, it was a comedy about a guy who woke up and found a tiger in his room or something. I can say that i was 'inspired' by the storyline and after got home I went straight to my beloved computer and started typing. This story was produced after two hours of sitting and typing continuously without stopping even for toilet. And i need to stop now as my bladder's going to burst. Please enjoy the story.

Disclaimer: I wonder why people love to type disclaimer for every story even though they know so well whom FMA belongs to. Whoever read FMA without knowing how is Hiromu Arakawa sama must be fried by the flame alchemist.

**Chapter 1**

Roy woke up with a severe headache. Slowly, the man rose up feeling the world was spinning. _Ugh. So I'm having a hangover. Great. _The colonel tried to stood up and wobbling his way to the toilet. _Is my room usually this small?? And why is the arrangement so different? Must be the alcohol's effect. _Roy thought while grabbing the doorknob. He opened, popped in.

He came out, quietly closed the door.

There was a freaking lion sleeping beside the bathtub. Why?

Slowly the man got back to bed, laid down covering himself with the thin pink blanket and closed his eyes, just like he was back from a nightmare. And he didn't actually give a damn on the pink blanket.

Cold sweats started to form streams after streams on his now turning pale face. _What the heck was that? I'm positive that I've seen a freaking lion there, sleeping soundly. And where the fck am i? What the hell's happening???_

The man sat up again. Yes he was a brave man. A handsome colonel-cum-great alchemist. There's no way a true man would hide from fear. _This place looks like a hotel room. So why did I end up here? _The true man stood up from his feet again. _Hmm… looks like it's 6am in the morning. _He knew so well how the sky would turn out to be at this time, for his day usually started at 6. And he often got his first coffee of the day around this time, in his pajamas.

And he wasn't in pajamas today. He wasn't at him home right now. Figured. But why the heck was he in nothing but a neon green underwear???

The alchemist stared at himself in disbelief. He could even blush at himself right now. Just what he did the previous night that left himself in such an utterly messed up situation?

_Ok, calm down. Think rationally. _Roy slid down and sat on the floor. The poor man concentrated hard in the midst of the well-qualified mixture of headache, dizziness and a great nauseous desire. No. Vomiting now is a big no-no. It wasn't bright to either got soaked on his own product here, or wash the lion's face with his vomit. Yup, they weren't choices. They were more like alternatives for suicidal attempt.

The confused man remained seated, breathed in and out for a few times. He eyed around the room. It was semi-dark; since there was merely a small lamp, whole heartedly doing its job as the one and only illuminating mean of the room. The light from outside didn't help much either. It was barely at dawn for the moment. Then he concentrated hard, attempting to recall what happened last night.

The video tape was rewinding in his head. A party. Somebody's birthday party. Was it Havoc's or Breda's? He couldn't remember now. His head was blocked. So it was a party. With boozes. Great, so it was how he got this hangover. Roy Mustang was never good at alcohol. He would love to have a feel drinks with his best buddy Hughes, just to get a mood to converse.

_Ok, good. Birthday party, alcoholic drinks… now continue… What did I do before getting drunk?_ Patiently he tried to pull out as much memories as he could. But it was blank. All he could remember was Havoc giving him shots after shots of all sorts of liquor the second lieutenant was able to pull out. Gin, Vodka, Whisky, what else? _Wait, that's not what's important!!! __Shit, I can't remember anything… _The troubled man looked around in search for his missing clothes. The room was clean without any extra piece of cloth. _Great. How can I get out of this place now? _He scanned through the room again. This time his eyes were gleamed with hope. The telephone!!! His face glowed as his eyes were fixed on that solid, important communication object. It was his savior!!! Or in other words, it helped him to get himself a savior!!! And to get his soul out of this stupid place.

The beaming man was skipping toward the phone. And was tripped. And now he found himself lying flatted with his face kissing the floor. What the fck? It was only a few steps and he could reach that holy tool. And was there any other retarded hotel in this earth could ever leave some stupid things that lie across the room and trip its customers to death? Angrily he sat up and moved his hand about; trying to locate and identify what the hell was hindering him from achieving his goal. Ok, it was something cold and metallic. Seemed like a water pipe. Stupid hotel with stupid infrastructure management. There was something weird about this pipe, though. There was small some parts that felt like a man-made human foot. With full concern he withdraw his hand, and using the same hand to support his forehand. He needed to stop thinking of the expectable. But he couldn't sit here forever either.

With great courage the man pull the leg out. As he thought, it was the fullmetal alchemist. And why was that shrimp had nothing but a bright orange boxers, he didn't need to know. He needed to get a grip of the phone, get out of this place before that bean woke up.

He got the phone's receiver. First mission accomplished. Now he needed a number. Somebody's number that he could use and summon reinforcement. His head went blank. He wasn't good at remembering numbers. The man retried with more effort. Finally he came out with two sets. One was his house's number. Ok, let's forget it. He was sober enough to not doing something that retarded. So move on with the next number. It was his beloved first lieutenant's home number. The man blushed lightly as the 'his beloved first lieutenant' part. Then he violently shook his head, as if those embarrassing words can get off through the motion. Whatever it was, now wasn't the time. Riza was a good choice. She would obey him no matter what, even though it might look a little bit embarrassing asking her for help in this situation. But it was his only choice and there was limited time for decisions. He quickly raised his index finger, and started dialing. Riza must have already gotten up by now.

Suddenly his eyes widen. And his hand stopped moving. He remembered something. How nostalgic. He was remembering the time when he told his lieutenant about the right to 'shoot and kill him when he went to the wrong path'. Was he on the wrong path now? If not then why the heck did he thought about this? Bad omen?

The man put down the receiver with his shaking hand. He wanted to laugh at his face, on how could he end up in this twisted state. It wasn't a great thing to admit himself as a true incompetence. He would never want to admit that. Roy bit his lower lip, thinking hard. He had to do something quick. Remember: There was a sleeping lion inside the toilet, and a snoring stupid shrimp lying on the floor, both could be awake for any seconds.

He scanned through the room one more time. There were a notepad and a pen on the desk. There was hope! With flashing speed the guy in neon-green underwear walked over the fullmetal's body and reached the desk successfully without any other obstacle. Roy mentally noted that he had to thank the hotel manager later, after he got back normally. Such excellent service! Yup, may be he should publicly compliment the hotel for providing such extraordinary fantabulous service. He had to issue a policy and forced the Fuhrer to sign the law that every hotel must have papers and pens. Happily, he quickly drew a big circle into the piece of paper. Then he went over to the bed, pulled out the bed sheet, and transmuted it into a best looking outfit he could think of in such short amount of time.

And it was a white set of pajamas. Without a single goddamned button. He tried to transmuted, but it wasn't come out. Well, bed sheet didn't find the need to have buttons on it. Figured. At least it had some rubber bands than he found it extremely useful, in preventing his newly made pants to fall off. Now he needed a pair of shoes. Looking around, there was nothing that could be used to make shoes. He needed leathers. And sadly, the only leather he could find belonged to the peacefully sleeping lion in that sacred toilet. The colonel shuddered as he thought about that beast. There was no way he would be able to come out alive in one piece. Nakedness would make an animal fiercer than usual. And in this case, it was a lion. And lion was shy that it could bite off anybody seeing it naked. So, let's forget if for now. He wasn't princess. He was a great man, a true hero. There was no way he couldn't walk around barefooted.

And then he transmuted the pink blanket into a rope and tied it to a side of the window. There was a small alley from where the window was facing. _The hotel must be a less well-known one. _He thought while getting down to the ground. Luckily the room where he slept was only at second floor. Or else he would break a few bones trying to escape with such a fragile rope.

.:.

The alchemist walked to the main road. He stood there for awhile, trying to locate where he was. It was still early in the morning, and the street wasn't too crowded with citizens. There were still people who get up early to start the day. And those early rise-and-shine people were staring at the young colonel Roy Mustang with pure curiosity. The embarrassing man tried his best to ignore them. He knew this area, and the residents here knew him as well. Oh jus how uncool he was, walking around barefooted with in thin unbuttoned, white pajamas with cheap material. There was no doubt people would see the neon-green underwear through the layer. Either they thought he was gay or he had lost his sanity. Roy swore to himself that he would never date in this area again, ever.

The man quickened his pace and taking great effort to think of something, anything except the embarrassment he was suffering. He wondered how could the lion got into that hotel in the first place. Was he the one brought that creature there? Man, he must look like an incredibly underweight Hulk, walking around with an extra bright underwear. Ok, screws it. Next topic, any personnel involved? Jean Havoc. _Right. That bastard must be the culprit behind all this craps. I'll have him toasted until he melts like an over-barbequed marshmallow. Or he could have that blond moron to dress on pink bikini while dating, or anything. Anything that could repay this humiliation! _He took the turn at the cross road.

He thought he knew this area. Yes, he knew it so well. The first lieutenant's house was just around this corner. He would just run there, asked her to get the uniform for him and then it would be all over. That's right, it would be a little bit embarrassing but he would just---

Wait. Did alcohol made his memory worse? He was thinking about bad omens just a moment ago, and now he was about to hand his own ass to Grim Reaper's hands. No way would he ever allow himself to meet such an uncool death. Not in this white stupid outfit. For sure he would look like a leftover, rotting cube of tofu if he was shot flat for this instance. No, no way in hell---

"What are you doing here, colonel?"

The man was too terrified to look around. It was a too familiar voice. Even a bark of some dog happened to make appearance as the same scene, it was way too familiar. There was no denying. He was going to meet his death soon, and he's still a fresh bachelor!!! _Oh fate, how you mock me._

Tightly his eyes were shut, waiting for the worst to come.

(To be continue)

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A/N: How do you think about this story? I write this on a whim so i might not continue this story if there is low response. Please give me feedback whether you would like it to continue or not. Thank for reading. Hope to see you again.

Ja ne~


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